One of the hardest things with accepting the fact that I will become a mom is that it isn’t going how I had
planned. I’m not married. Tyler and I don’t have our own place. We certainly are not financially stable enough for a child. I don’t have my degree, or a job that provides me with benefits such as healthcare or insurance.
I had exactly one more year of college (plus a semester of summer courses, so technically three semesters since I was taking 12 credits over the summer) until I graduated college when we learned I was pregnant. Granted, school has never really been my thing. By not my thing I don’t mean that I struggled- in fact I excelled at school. I’ve gone to college back to back since I graduated high school taking no less than 17 credits a semester, all in the hopes of graduating early. College was not “the best time of my life”. I didn’t want to hang around sloppy, irresponsible, immature college peers for longer than I had to. (I will say that there are some great people you meet at school, but unfortunately the majority of the time I spent at University I was surrounded by young adults wanting to party or who had absolutely no idea what they wanted to do in life). So, I worked my ass off to finish as fast as possible. Had I not gotten pregnant I would’ve obtained my bachelors degree in Editing and Publications management (which included transferring schools and switching degree plans) in three years.
So, finding out I was pregnant and wouldn’t be able to finish on time kinda sucked. I was- dare I say it-
relieved to have an excuse not to continue going to school, but at the same time pissed that I worked so hard for so long, for essentially nothing. More than anything though, I was content with stopping school for a while. I never planned to use my degree anyway- the only reason I was getting one was to please my parents. Oh my god did I just commit a cardinal sin by admitting that I didn’t want a degree, didn’t plan to use the one I got had I gotten one, and was only doing it for my parents? Maybe in your eyes, but in my eyes all I have ever wanted, and planned to do was be a stay at home mom, just like my own mother.
Now, my mother has a degree. And she preaches to me constantly about how proud she is that she has it, that no one can take it away from her, and that she has the freedom to return to work if she wanted to. I commend her for that and I agree with it all, but at the same time, with today’s economy I just cannot wrap my brain around spending thousands of dollars on something I will never use. Would you buy a brand new car and just park it in the garage? Purchase a computer and never turn it on? Didn’t think so. So why spend time and money earning a degree to never work in the field you studied?
Anyway, my “plan” was always this: get a degree (per my parents request prior to marriage), get married, have kids, be a stay at home mom and live happily ever after.
Soooooo lets get back on track here. I am now not done with school, and knocked up by my boyfriend. Not following my plan exactly, am I? On top of it all, Tyler was starting a new business with his brother, meaning that our finances were more unstable than ever.
So what now? Well, lets get you all up to date on our current situation:
Living arrangement? With Tyler’s family (His brother, wife, and two kids); their new house is large enough to fit us all and they have generously given us two bedrooms, a living room, and spare room all to ourselves.
Finances? Tyler is working 24/7 in the company, and myself as a full-time baker (no benefits & only making about $9 an hour) and cheerleading coach
School? I plan to return to online classes in the Spring semester.
Marriage? My parents have eased up on requiring that I complete my degree before marriage (probably since I am having a child), but as of right now we are in no rush to get married since A: we can’t afford it, and B: we don’t want to rush into anything just because we are having a baby (although we both do want to get married!)
With my A-Type personality, things not going according to plan is driving me insane. I am constantly fluctuating between being thankful and happy by what God has provided us with (a great support system, a roof over our heads, etc. etc.), and being depressed and miserable by what I don’t have (our own place, a job that provides me benefits). It’s been a roller coaster of a ride with my hormones driving me back and forth, and I am just hoping and praying that after baby arrives I won’t spiral into postpartum depression.